Farmers, Bailouts, and Ballots

American farmers once again find themselves in the middle of a political food fight, except this time the crops on the table are soybeans, pork, and democracy itself. Thanks to the latest trade war, farmers are taking financial hits harder than a John Deere plowing up a field of granite. Naturally, they’re calling for another bailout.

But let’s not forget: this isn’t our first rodeo. Under the 1st Trump administration, farmers faced a similar crisis when tariffs backfired, and Uncle Sam came riding in with a fat government checkbook to patch the wounds. Turns out “small government” conservatives love “big government handouts” when it’s their tractor payments on the line.

The Bailout Proposal

Yes, farmers should get a bailout. Absolutely. America needs its food producers thriving, not starving. But maybe we add some… democratic accountability. After all, why should taxpayers keep paying for bad political bets?

Here’s the deal:

If you voted for Trump, congratulations! You get your bailout, but you also forfeit your voting rights until you’ve paid back every cent. Oh, and you’ll need to pass a Civics test. Don’t worry, it’s just the stuff your "leaders" didn't think you needed to know.

If you didn’t vote for Trump, congratulations! You keep your voting rights. But to qualify, you’ll need to produce evidence of that vote. A receipt, a selfie in front of your “I Voted” sticker, maybe even a notarized affidavit from your neighbor who saw you wear a Kamala pin in 2024.

Think of it as the agricultural version of “no taxation without representation”, except it’s “no soy subsidy without constitutional comprehension.”

The Larger Point-if you've made it this far

Obviously, this proposal would never survive constitutional muster. (The Founders didn’t anticipate farm subsidies, let alone Trump rallies.) But the absurdity is the point: if politicians can play games with farmers’ livelihoods for partisan gain, then it’s only fair to suggest equally absurd rules in return.

The reality is that farmers, regardless of political affiliation, are pawns in trade wars launched by leaders who claim to champion them. Each tariff skirmish leads to taxpayer-funded bailouts that do little to fix the long-term problems in global agriculture. Meanwhile, farmers keep voting for the same politicians who created the mess.

Conclusion

So yes, let’s bail out the farmers. But while we’re writing those checks, maybe it’s time we all took a Civics test. Because if trade wars and bailouts have taught us anything, it’s that American democracy is worth more than soybeans, and it requires a lot more from it's "heartland".